Self-fashioning - la bella figura

Keeping my coat in peak condition takes more than a little lick and polish on my part. Self-care is over-rated - why support an entourage if you’re doing it yourself? Ms Entourage put her back into a very satisfying ‘grooming’ session with me this morning - I like to have my fur raked through thoroughly before a bath, which I plan to relax in on Wednesday or Thursday.

My palanquin’s heat pad is a rather gorgeous shade of carmine, and I’m hoping to take full advantage of the therapeutic warmth while en route to Rome, where I’m scheduled to arrive late on Saturday.

Set Ms Entourage the task of bed- and food-shopping for me to keep her busy before I arrive; if I don’t keep an eye on her she tends to lack focus. Mr E. too, to be honest. I suspect I will have to take time out from my busy Roman Woofing schedule and derive-ist plans to make sure they both look after me in the manner to which I intend soon to become accustomed.

Rather sweetly, I overheard Ms E discussing a restaurant she’s found, where (I presume), she intends to take me to sample saltimbocca; how lucky that I sent her on a pre-tour fact-finding mission back in May. I’m expecting great culinary delights, based on her dreamy comments about ingredients and flavours...

Wellbeloved? I think not!

Just discovered that my comfort kibble is not exported to Rome. Can I still go? Entourage have arranged for an interim shipping but my constitution is delicate and my standards high...

Entourage will need to step up and prepare delicious meals for me. I'm thinking tripe, I'm thinking veal, I'm thinking espresso cured beef... Mmmmmmmmmm.

Exercise regime not proving terribly successful so far. Ms Entourage scoots when she can, Mr is on the motorbike. I try to encourage them out for a short walk morning and evening. All this will change when I get them away to Rome. I have a vigorous programme of sightseeing and hill-climbing planned.

A day of rest

Have persuaded Entourage to take a day off today. I plan to put in some hours of contemplation and snacking to build my mental and physical faculties. I may spend some time on Woofer to see if there are any spicy Italian Woofs to follow.

Entourage seem to think I don't need a Woofer account yet, but I want to have my Roman networks up and sniffing before I arrive. Only a fortnight till I'm making like Baudelaire and psyching 'Le strade'...

How should I put this...?

Another day spent brushing up on my woofish Italiano, but extraordinarily, my Entourage seems incapable of understanding even the most basic Italian phrases. I am seriously considering trading them in for a more chic and linguistically flexible team.

A Terrier of my runway modelling background, with a vocal range unprecedented amongst my contemporaries, deserves something better than the monosyllabic utterances that seem to form most of the Entourage’s communication - I often wonder whether they are somehow better able to ‘speak’ to each other than they do to me, but find that unlikely. My suspicion is that I simply have to accept that it is a lonely life as an intellectual and perfect ’10’...

Broken link in Blogspot

I am dismayed to note that the 'Report Abuse' facility in the top menu bar of Blogspot does not, as it should, summon the RSPCA to my aid.

Unfortunate series of events...

I have been struck down by an unfortunate illness. I cannot understand how some minor gastronomic indiscretions can have rebounded on me with such dramatic force.

I tell my Entourage that they should be grateful that they’re not in Graceland, but this seems to have fallen on deaf ears.

I am maintaining a dignified silence. They need to shape up or ship out. Once they’ve prepared me another ‘light’ snack-ette, that is...

A test of my email-to-blog facility

It is important that I iron out any kinks well before I travel, and thus I post this to my blog from email. As Mr Entourage wafts me Southward, I shall then be able to recline in the well-appointed comfort of my personal carriage and type disparaging remarks upon my iPhone for the enlightenment of my attentive worldwide audience.

Biker dog

Today, I spotted that my wheels have been pimped - good news! My new tonsure is pretty damn smart, when it’s humid or hot (not sure if I need some sort of spf? Perhaps I should investigate...), but I was starting to feel a little concerned when a flash storm erupted here yesterday.

What if I was gunning down the autostrada, with the motorbike engine roaring, and there was a downpour??

The new kit, a rather snazzy waterproof ‘jacket’ for my seat on the tank (I nestle in, behind the windshield and in front of Mr Entourage, in case anyone asks), does the job elegantly. I will surely be the cynosure of all eyes (those that don’t blink and miss me!).

NB must find out if a table has yet been booked for me on the overnight train from Holland. Looking forward to sampling Dutch Courage...

Eye of the terrier...

Trying to encourage a more robust approach amongst my entourage to my pre-Tour training needs. There is a marked disinclination to undertake (or help me to undertake) what I consider the full range of muscular and physical activities that will see me in peak condition for late night strolls through Rome’s campi (bending my neck - to sniff; toning my neck - via sustained scratching and ear massage; core fitness - that’s achieved via tummy tickling and flank rubbing; endurance - long and varied walks...).

Since my fitness regime is clearly not being attended to, I have had to resort to the tried and trusted method of running up and down stairs. Some appropriate music to keep my pace up would have been welcome, but sadly my entourage appeared oblivious...

Only a shot of grappa might fully restore me - yet I find that my ‘bowl’ remains discouragingly empty.

Planning a Grand Tour...

As a dog of many vocal registers but so far, few words, this is a bit of an experiment. But my experience is that my entourage is not so good at recording my life eloquently or elegantly so my imminent trip across the continent to Italy seems to offer a good experimental opportunity for me to show my mettle as a journal-ist and metachronicler.

Passport is in paw already; my coat is newly stripped and the svelteness of my figure is quite unbelievable. Unlike my shambling entourage who really need to up their game if la bella figura is not to be beyond them.

Countdown to departure is under a month, now.

The vanguard leaves first, to make my apartment ready. Tripe, I'm salivating already...